


Desperate To Find Something More

by SereneCalamity



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments (Movies), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Babysitter Jace, Clary Fray & Jace Wayland Friendship, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not by ship at all, Not heaps though, One slur used, Sort of touches on body dysmorphia, alec is a sweetheart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-20 09:31:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17619914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SereneCalamity/pseuds/SereneCalamity
Summary: Jace had been in a tough spot for a long time now, and he was struggling to reach for the good.





	Desperate To Find Something More

**Author's Note:**

> This was a prompt from my darling Reppinda5o3, using the song Welcome To My Life by Simple Plan.  
> Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the title.

Jace Herondale pulled the sleeves of his dark jersey down further, until they were covering his hands, and he curled his fingers inward, cutting through the thin material of the jersey and pressing into the palm of his hand. The sting helped to ground him, bring him back to the presence, and he tried to focus on what the teacher at the front of the classroom was saying. He tried not to think about the bruises underneath the jersey he was wearing, or the long cut on his forehead, that his shaggy, golden coloured hair was thankfully hiding. He tried to think about calculus and whatever it was they were meant to be learning today, but in the end, he just dropped his eyes to the pad paper in front of him, picking up his pen and doodling in the margin.

Or more, he was just scribbling angry, dark lines into the bright white paper, his black ink beginning to edge out of the margins and onto the main page, pressing down so hard that the paper began to dent underneath his pressure, and undoubtedly going through the to the paper underneath, but he really didn't care. He wasn't planning on doing anything with calculus in his life, it wasn't as though he got  _great_ grades anyway—not terrible, but not  _great_ _—_ and it as though he was going to go to college or anything.

When the bell rang, Jace stood up, pushing back his chair and gathering up his books and pen off the table. His hair was flopping forward, over his eyes and it was instinct to push it back as he stepped around his desk to follow the rest of the students toward the door, but when his hand went there, he remembered the cut, and he let his arm fall back to his side. As he was about to walk through the door and into the busy hallway, a piece of paper was shoved awkwardly in front of him. Jace frowned, reaching up to take the piece of paper and look at it.

Neat notes in almost perfect hand writing.

Jace looked up with a frown and Alexander Lightwood was standing there, chewing down on his bottom lip, looking a little nervous.

"Don't want you failing in our senior year," Alec said with a half smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "I can always help you study if you need it." Jace wasn't too sure what to say, looking back down at the notes before up at Alec. Alec seemed to be a bit more confident when Jace didn't try and shove the paper back, and his eyes relaxed slightly before he gave Jace and nod and then walked into the crowds of people moving through the hallway.

Jace didn't really know Alec, but then he kept himself to himself, he didn't really know  _anyone_ , except his neighbour, Clarissa Fray, and he really wasn't sure if an eighteen year old was meant to call the twelve year old next door neighbour a 'friend'. It sounded a bit weird, and it was a  _lot_  sad.

Alec and Jace had been in the same year all through high school, since Jace had moved to the town of Idris. Alec had lived here his whole life, and he was one of the most popular guys in their year. He was on the football team and his twin sister, Isabelle Lightwood, was the cheerleading captain. He had a big group of friends who were all pretty loud and rowdy in the classrooms and the halls, but none of them were bad people, just a bit obnoxious. Clary was good friends with Alec and Isabelle's little brother, Max Lightwood, they were in the same class together, and sometimes Jace saw Alec's car out the window as he picked Max up from the house next door.

Alec was also...Just really pretty.

Jace didn't really have the mental or emotional capacity to dwell on things that were out of his reach, but he would be lying to himself if he said that he hadn't noticed Alec before. It was kind of impossible not to. He was quietly funny and he had this gentle charm about him that put others at ease. It didn't seem as though he knew how popular he was, because he didn't have that uppity air about him like some of the other guys on the football team, like Sebastian Verlac, he was just comfortable and sweet.

But Jace didn't have time for that.

He  _couldn't_  think about that.

Because he had too much to deal with without mooning over some guy that he could never have.

When Jace got home after work that evening, at the corner dairy just down the road, his father was passed out on the couch. That was for the best, because Jace was tired and he was irritable and that meant that if his father was in a bad mood and started shouting at him, Jace would probably return fire.

The bruises on his arms were only just starting to fade from their last disagreement, and the cut on his forehead was still scabbed up and needing to be covered with his hair. He really didn't want to push his father toward another round so quickly, but even with that in mind, sometimes he couldn't stop himself from snapping back.

He got his smart mouth from his mother, or at least that's what Stephen Herondale said.

Usually before delivering a slap or a punch.

Jace moved around quietly, not wanting to make too much noise in the kitchen getting himself something to eat, so he settled for making himself a peanut butter sandwich and then heading up the stairs to his room. He didn't bother showering, because he honestly, he hated seeing himself naked, and if he could avoid it, then he did. He usually showered in the morning before the sun had fully come up, without turning on the lights, so he couldn't see himself as he scrubbed himself down with soap as quickly as possible.

It wasn't that he had any problems with his  _actual_  body, it was more the bruises and scars that constantly littered it.

The next few days passed without incident, although he had one more run in with Alec, which was a bit unusual. Stephen was at work a lot, and Jace was spending a lot of time watching Clary after school because her mother was picking up some extra shifts at the hospital. He didn't mind looking after the bouncing twelve year old—she was literally one of the best things in his life. It was sad, but it was true.

Jocelyn Fray, her mother, had told him on multiple occasions that he was welcome to sleep over there whenever he looked after Clary late into the night. Jace just thanked her and turned down her offer each time, because he knew his father would throw an absolute fit if he didn't come home. At least, if he  _noticed_  that Jace didn't come home. Jocelyn had tried talking to him a lot, actually, and once she had even mentioned going to the police about his father.

Jace hadn't gone back there for three weeks after that, and it had taken Clary trying to climb the tree outside his bedroom when she was ten years old for him to go back to the house. Jocelyn hadn't spoken about going to the police again, but she still tried to talk to him, and she continued to offer a safe place to sleep if he ever wanted it.

"Where are you going to college, Jace?" Clary asked, not looking up from where she was drawing at the kitchen table.

"Hm?" Jace looked over at her from where he was doing his homework on the other side of the table.

"Where are you going to college?" She repeated, her pencil scratching along the paper, and Jace tried to arch his neck to have a look at what she was drawing, but Clary snatched it up and gave him a narrow eyed look. "Hey—you know you're not allowed to look until it's finished!" She told him off, sounding a whole lot like her mother when she said that, green eyes flashing at him.

"Sorry, sorry," Jace chuckled to himself, holding up his hands in surrender.

"Hey. College. Where," Clary gave him a pointed look and Jace sighed, because there was no way he was going to be able to get out of this because Clary was like a dog with a bone when she had a question that she was set on.

"I won't be going to college," Jace said, scrubbing a hand over his face. Clary frowned and looked back up from her drawing.

"Why not?" She asked.

"Because I'm not smart enough for college," Jace muttered, even though this really wasn't a conversation that he should be having with someone who probably didn't really understand. "And I don't have the money for it either." Clary pursed her lips together and she laid her picture down flat, apparently not caring now if he saw it or not.

"Then what are you going to do?" She asked him, lacing her fingers together on the table and looking at him expectantly.

"I don't know, Clare Bear," Jace shrugged, and he didn't really like the fact that the twelve year old was looking at him with an almost sympathetic expression.

Clary seemed to realize that his mood had taken a turn, and so she had sat with him on the couch and painted his nails dark blue and let him put on his 'favourite movie'. His actual favourite movie was  _John Wick_ , but that wasn't really appropriate for her, so he had always told her that his favourite movie was  _Fast and the Furious_  and so she put that on. She was a sweet kid, and he didn't mind her painting his nails, not really thinking about it. Although she seemed to have a bit of an ulterior motive, because she then asked for pop tarts for dinner, but he didn't mind.

It was actually a good end to the week, until Jace got home, and his father saw his painted nails and the little braid that Clary had twisted into his hair, and had called him a fag and said that it was a no wonder the only girl that he could talk to was a pre-teen next door. None of it was new, but it still grated a little on Jace's heart, the words feeling like cuts deep in his skin, and then the first punch landed on the side of his face and he stopped thinking all together.

At least he didn't have school for the next few days, although Jace generally hated the weekends because it didn't just mean no school for him, it also meant no work for his dad.

But after Friday night, Stephen didn't seem to have time for Jace, and so Jace was able to stay in his room without being bothered, only leaving to shower and go to work. When he showed up at the dairy with a black eye and his lip split down the middle, Hodge Starkweather had tried to talk to him about it. Hodge wasn't an idiot, he knew that Jace didn't have a good home life, and he tried to help as much as he could, but most of the time, Jace refused to talk about it.

Just like now.

And Hodge respected that, he never pushed Jace, although Jace had heard him mutter angrily under his breath a few times, before he said that Jace always had a job here and was welcome to come anytime he just wanted to get away from his house.

Hodge didn't ask him if he wanted to go home that day, but he did tell Jace to do stock take in the back of the dairy and in the fridges. It wasn't something he  _needed_  to do, Jace knew that, but Hodge was just trying to give him a job where he wasn't going to be facing the public all day, which he was grateful for.

He didn't need to be scaring off customers when he knew that Hodge paid him more than he needed to, knowing that Jace was saving every bit of money he had to eventually get away from his father.

It was near the end of the day, close to six o'clock, when there was a familiar voice that came into the store. Jace winced, because Clary knew when he worked, and she usually made a point of coming in to see him. He heard Hodge try to tell her that Jace was busy, but Clary didn't listen, and a moment later, he saw her head pop through the door that came to the back.

"Jace..." Clary's green eyes went big as she saw his face.

But, the thing that sucked, was that this wasn't the first time she had seen him with bruises.

So she didn't look surprised, just sad.

"I'm sorry, Jace," Clary whispered as she came over and looped her arms around his waist, squeezing him tight. It hurt a little, because he had bruises on his ribs from here Stephen had kicked him, but he wasn't going to say anything to her. He rested his hand on the back of her head, hugging her back, and he was about to say something to try and make her feel better, when he saw another head pop through the doorway, looking around.

"Clary? I think we should—" it was Alec, who's eyes fell on Jace and Clary, and then he took in Jace's face, and his eyes went even wider than Clary's. "Leave now," he finished, practically choking out the word. Clary refused to let go of Jace's waist, and Alec slowly came over, his eyes never leaving Jace's face, and Jace really wanted to turn away, he wanted to look away from the other boy, but he couldn't.

And then Alec was hugging him as well.

He put one arm around Jace's shoulders and the other around Clary's, and he was hugging them both, carefully but firmly.

It felt different from having Clary hug him. Clary's hug was comforting and sweet, but she was young and her grip wasn't very strong.

Alec's grip was strong and grounding, and the hand that was clasped on Jace's shoulder made Jace feel... _Safe_.

They didn't talk about that afternoon in the store, but things had definitely changed between Jace and Alec. It turned out that Max and Clary had been hanging out that afternoon, which was why Alec had been with Clary in the weekend, dropping her off home after the pair had spent the afternoon together. And it seemed as though Clary and Max were spending a lot more time together, and conveniently, it was almost always at Clary's house, and usually on the days that Jace babysat her.

And so Alec stayed, when he came by to drop his little brother off.

Max complained that his big brother didn't have to babysit him, since Jace was there, but Clary just grinned and gave them knowing looks before distracting her friend.

It turned out that Alec was pretty good in the kitchen, which meant that Clary didn't just have pasta or eggs for dinner on the nights that Jace looked after her. Alec always made enough for Jocelyn to have as well, leaving it in the microwave for when the woman got home from the hospital. She absolutely adored him, and it was obvious that she knew that there was  _something_  happening in her house between the two teenagers when she was gone, from the small smile on her face, but she didn't say anything.

Alec also started sitting next to him in class, every single one that they had together. Raphael Santiago and Jordan Kyle had looked a bit confused by it to begin with, but they hadn't said anything—at least not while they were in earshot of Jace. And when they had lunch breaks at the same time, Alec would sit next to Jace, and gradually, Raphael and Jordan joined them.

So did Isabelle.

Jace felt uncomfortable at first, he felt nervous and out of place for the first couple of weeks, and he left the lunch table almost as soon as he finished eating, even though he could feel Alec's curious gaze on his back. But slowly, he stayed longer, not really participating in their conversation too much, but he listened to them and smiled sometimes.

Isabelle was the next one who reached out next, sitting next to him in History, their only class together, which Alec wasn't in. She quietened down a lot around him, not her usually loud and bubbly self, but she still smiled widely at him and she occasionally touched him. Jace was jumpy at first and she had looked surprised, so it was just small things, like bumping her elbow against his or squeezing his shoulder.

And Jace liked it.

Not in the same way he liked it in the comforting, familiar way with Clary, or in the grounding, almost sweet way with Alec, but it was nice.

It was strange, having so many people in his life all of a sudden that he trusted to be around him and touch him in a way that was non-threatening.

His dad was picking up a lot of overtime hours and so he wasn't around a lot, and when he was, he was sleeping and Jace managed to keep out of his way. It had been nearly two months since that particularly bad beating, and he had only received a few pushes and slaps, which might be bad by others standards, but was pretty damn good by his own.

He applied for a couple of jobs for apprenticeships with trades—like he had told Clary, he wasn't planning on going to any college, he had no interest in getting some degree and he had no way of paying for it  _anyway_ , the little money that he had saved was for a place of his own, and he really didn't care where it was, just anywhere but where he was now. They only had a month left of school, and he was counting down the days. He wanted to work, he wanted to do something with his hands, which is why he had applied for jobs in brick laying and building, or with electricians, but he knew that he just needed to push through this next month so that he had his diploma.

Alec was planning on going to college.

He mentioned that a couple of times, and he looked as though he was trying to invite a conversation about it, from the way he kept glancing at Jace, but Jace really wasn't sure what he wanted him to say, so he kept his mouth shut, like he did about a lot.

Jace got a call from a guy who had a small building company who offered him a position, starting as soon as school finished.

Jace took it without a second thought and there was a grin on his face and he turned around and his father was standing in the doorway, bottle of whiskey in his hand and a thunderous expression on his face.

It was another one of those times when Jace should have just kept his mouth shut, shouldn't have snapped back, shouldn't have muttered  _of course I'm getting a job, I'm not living in this hell hole for the rest of my life_.

He couldn't see through his left eye the next morning and he was pretty sure one of his ribs was broken.

Jace didn't go into school the next day, or the day after, and he rang into the work with Hodge, and had text Jocelyn to say he couldn't look after Clary. She had told him to come over anyway, while she was home, so that she could have a look at him, because she knew what would have happened, but Jace declined the offer.

It was the afternoon of the third day that he missed school that there was something hitting his window. Jace blinked from where he was laying in his bed, blankets dumped over him and covering up his body even though they were in summer and he was sweating, and he looked toward the window. It was then that he saw a hand reaching out and tapping against his window again.

It was Clary, Jace knew that as he threw the blankets off and made his way over to the window, walking awkwardly as he favoured his side. He was already frowning as he slid his window up.

"You know you're not meant to climb up here," Jace told her. "It's dangerous."

"It's okay," Clary answered solemnly. "Alec will catch me if I fall." Jace's eyebrows pulled together further as he looked down and he saw Alec standing below, arms tense and at the ready at his side, eyes trained on the pair of them. He was wearing a dark pair of distressed jeans and a white tee-shirt that stretched over his shoulders and his chest.

He looked delicious, and absolutely unattainable.

"You need to take a shower," Clary told him. "And then come over."

"Clary, I don't want to come over," Jace began.

"If you don't come over, I'm going to climb in there," Clary retorted, her green eyes sparking in a very determined way that Jace adored about her. He stared at her for a moment longer, and then he looked down to where Alec was standing, still watching them carefully. Jace sighed and nodded.

"If you climb down right now— _slowly_ —then I'll shower and come over in half an hour," Jace promised her. Clary pouted a little but she nodded, and then began creeping back on the branch that stretched out toward his window. Jace watched as she climbed down, Alec tracking her movements and making sure to move so that he was standing underneath her the whole time. When she landed back on the ground, Alec looked back up at him, and the worried expression was evident on his face.

Jace pulled away and walked to his bathroom.

There were all new bruises blooming on his rib cage and over his face, although his eye wasn't quite as swollen as it had been the other day, he could now see a blurry line of light through it, but he could still see his reflection well enough in the mirror, and he looked terrible.

Poor Clary, the kid had seen him like this too many times to count.

And Alec...He wasn't too sure what Alec was doing here.

Jace showered slowly, wincing as he soaped up his hands and ran them over his chest and down toward his stomach, and then at the pull of his sore muscles as he rubbed under his arms and stretched toward his back. Afterwards, he didn't bother to dry his hair much, just tying it back in a messy knot at the nape of his neck. He walked down the stairs and then across the lawn to Clary's house, where the red head was standing at the glass sliding doors, watching him critically.

And then Jocelyn appeared behind her.

And Alec.

"Into the bathroom," Jocelyn stated, leaving no room for argument. "Now." Jace sighed, but he didn't argue, and he followed after Jocelyn. He could hear Alec and Clary talking in the kitchen, and even though their voices were quieter than usual, he could hear Alec trying to distract Clary and that made him smile, even as Jocelyn was prodding at his ribs and watching his facial expressions like a hawk.

"Shit," Jace hissed out at one particular press of her fingers that sent a sharp pain through his chest.

"I don't think they're broken," Jocelyn told him gently. "But they're definitely bruised, maybe even cracked, although I don't think so." Jace swallowed hard and dipped his head in a nod. "I want to tell you to go and get an x-ray and see a doctor, rather than a nurse, but I know you're not going to do that. So I'm going to give you some pain killers, tell you to keep on icing it—which I'm guessing you've already been doing, try to sleep in an upright position—prop up some pillows behind your back and come back in see me in a few days time." Jace gave her a small, tight smile and nodded. "Also, make sure you're icing that eye."

"Okay," he murmured. Jocelyn handed him back his shirt and waited as he slipped it back on, not offering any help because she knew that just him coming in here and letting her take a look at him was a big enough step for him.

Although, she was about to push even further.

Once Jace had his shirt settled over him, hanging loosely from his shoulders, Jocelyn crossed her arms over her chest and leveled him with a look.

"I've spoken with Hodge," she began and Jace frowned as best he could with his swollen eye. "And we think that you should move in with him."

" _What_?" Jace exclaimed.

"I know that you're looking for your own place—I see the browser history, I've been keeping an eye on them since I caught Clary watching those videos of Tetash71 or whatever," Jocelyn waved a hand, wrinkling her nose.

"Tekashi69?" Jace asked, unable to hold back his smile.

"Whatever," Jocelyn rolled her eyes. "Not someone I want my daughter listening to—I  _read_  his lyrics." Jace's smile shifted to a grin, even though it stretched the skin on his face and hurt. "Anyway—the point is that I've seen the browser history, and I know you're looking for somewhere to live, and I know that all of the places you're looking at are crappy, tiny places in unsafe neighbourhoods where I  _do not_  want you living."

"I wouldn't be there for very long," Jace began. "I just need somewhere for now, but I've already had a job offer and when I have more steady money I'll—"

"No," Jocelyn cut him off, stepping forward and resting her hands on his shoulders. "I don't want you leaving one hell hole and moving into another." The honesty and sincerity in her voice and her eyes made Jace's eyes cloud over with tears suddenly and he looked down at his feet. "Hodge has a room at his place, and he's happy to rent it out to you for however much you can afford. He doesn't live far from his dairy, you'll still be close by, but it's about a ten minute drive, so you won't risk running into your father in the same way you would if you lived here." Jace blinked at her and Jocelyn gave his shoulders a gentle squeeze. "I want you safe. My daughter adores you, and you look out for her better than her own father did. And Hodge has wanted you to get away from your father for year, and that boy out there..." Jocelyn smile softened. "He just wants you safe."

Alec.

She meant Alec.

"And I want you to go there now, tonight," Jocelyn continued. "I want you safe, and you're only a few months away from eighteen, and with the history you have with your father...I don't even think  _he's_  stupid enough for you to kick up a fuss if you move out."

"Wh— _now_?" Jace asked.

"Now," Jocelyn said. "You can't stay in there any longer. You deserve so much better than that."

Tears began to drip down Jace's cheeks.

He had felt hope building inside him for a while now, with Clary and Alec and Isabelle and Hodge and Jocelyn in his life, and with the job offer, and the fact that he would soon be finished with school and he could move away from home. The other night had definitely knocked that hope a little, but it was nothing that he hadn't recovered from before.

"Jace?" Alec's voice was soft from the doorway. Jace quickly swiped at his face, and then winced as he touched the bruising.

"I'll leave you two to talk," Jocelyn said quietly, leaving the bathroom. Alec came in and stood opposite Jace, and Jace stayed where he was, leaning against the vanity unit. The bathroom was quite bigger, a lot bigger than the one at Jace's house, so there was some space between them, but Jace's whole body still felt hot, as though Alec was surrounding him. Alec scratched the back of his neck and then took a step forward, narrowing the gap between them.

"I'm sorry if I overstepped any boundaries or anything," Alec murmured. "But...Clary rang Max last night and said that you hadn't been by, and then today you weren't at school, and I was worried..." Jace pulled his lower lip into his mouth, feeling his heart skip in his chest at that, and he lifted his eyes to look up at Alec, who gave him a small smile.

"It's okay," Jace replied. Alec's smile dropped and his cheeks became pinched.

"It's  _not_  okay," he murmured, and then he was lifting his hand and reaching out toward Jace. His fingers brushed feather-light over Jace's cheekbone, just under where the bruise was, and then drifted down, over Jace's cheek and then to his jawline. Jace couldn't help the way his good eye closed at the gentle touch. Alec's hands moved to cup his neck, give it a gentle squeeze. "I wanted you to come back to my place. I've already talked to my mum, and she said that she would talk to dad when he got back from his business trip." Jace's eyes opened at that, widening in surprise, or at least as much as his bad eye would allow. "But then Jocelyn was here when I got here, and she said that she had already spoken to Hodge, and I was thinking that...Maybe it would be better for you to be with someone that you've known for longer...And that maybe it would make things less awkward if we ended up dating in the future..." Alec sounded hesitant and as Jace's eyes found his in surprise.

And then he answered.

"Yeah," he murmured, his lips turning upward. "Yeah...I'd like that." Alec's grin was beautiful, and then he leaned forward, pressing his mouth against Jace's gently. It didn't last long, but that was okay, because then Alec was hugging him gently.

Clary came in a few moments later and wiggled herself into the hug, careful of his ribs.

Jocelyn was in the doorway, watching them all with a smile.

And for the first time, Jace felt as though that _something more_  was within his reach.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think x


End file.
